A horse owner in Brentwood has been left heartbroken and utterly flabbergasted after finding out the animal communicator, who came highly regarded by members of her Facebook group, was in fact, not genuinely conversing with her horse, Fred.
Mildred, who had been religiously booking bi-weekly sessions for the past year, felt a profound sense of betrayal. "I trusted her completely," said a tearful Mildred, clutching a photo of Fred, who, according to the communicator, had been deeply troubled by the colour of his hay and was an ardent supporter of Manchester United.
The communicator in question, Ms. Crystal Moonbeam, had built a lucrative career on her alleged ability to channel the thoughts and feelings of animals. Her qualifications included a weekend workshop on holistic pet wellness and a certificate in Interpretive Dance.
“I can’t believe it,” Mildred exclaimed. “I thought she was really helping Fred work through his foal-hood trauma and his deep set daddy issues. He really struggles with abandonment having never met his father. She even told me he was upset about being forced to wear a pink saddle pad set the other week.”
According to sources, Ms. Moonbeam would enter a meditative state and translate Fred’s profound insights, which often included complaints about the stable's lighting and his disdain for the neighbouring horse, Sparky, who he claimed was “too mainstream.”
Local skeptics, also known as “people with common sense,” had long doubted the authenticity of Ms. Moonbeam's talents. Dr. Harold Bickerstaff, a veterinarian who has been practicing for over 30 years, remarked, “Horses are wonderful creatures, but communicating telepathically and discussing football teams? That’s a new one.”
When approached for comment, Ms. Moonbeam defended her practices vehemently. “People just don’t understand the deep spiritual connections I share with these animals. It's a gift, and some gifts can't be explained by science or logic.” She then proceeded to adjust her chakras and cleanse her aura with a spritz of organic lavender mist.
Upon further investigation, it was revealed that the horse’s supposed messages often contained strikingly familiar phrases that Ms. Moonbeam had previously posted on her personal blog, “Thoughts from the Astral Plane.” Phrases like “Carrots are life” and “Why can’t ponies vote?” seemed oddly reminiscent.
Despite this revelation, some of Ms. Moonbeam’s clients remain staunch supporters. “She told me my guinea pig has an old soul and a past life as a Tibetan monk,” said another client, who wished to remain anonymous. “You can’t make that stuff up.”
Meanwhile, Mildred is considering her next steps. “I’m thinking of hiring a pet psychic instead. I hear they can read fur patterns to predict future behaviours. It sounds much more credible,” she said with an air of cautious optimism.
In related news, Fred has declined to comment, presumably because he’s a horse.
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