Man Issues Warning That Horse Girls Aren’t Leather Clad Vixens But Stink Of Manure & Wear “Duvet Coats”

A man from a well known dating app, anonymously referring to himself as “The FBI - Female Body Inspector” with a profile picture of Spiderman has today issued a warning on Reddit for other men to “avoid horse women at all costs” after his recent experience left him “disappointed and quite frankly utterly disgusted.”

Following a series of dates in which the man described his date as “gorgeous, absolutely stunning and super funny. She was literally everything I’d dreamed of. I really thought I’d hit the jackpot…” he was asked to meet her horse. 

The gentleman had this to say, “ I couldn’t believe my luck when this gorgeous woman turned up and actually looked like her profile picture. I felt a bit cheeky really considering my profile picture on there was 10 years old but ya know, men age like fine wine so really she was getting an even better deal when you think about it. Anyway, she turns up, looking beautiful and she was funny to boot. I couldn’t believe it when she said she was a horse rider as well, I mean come on. Horse riders are known for those sexy long leather boots, using whips and riding stallions - all that nonsense. I thought brilliant, she’s gonna be a cheeky one. Then after a few dates, things were going well, I was knocking her bandy with my jokes, flashing the cash coz I know the ladies love that, and she asks me to come meet her horse.

“I was a bit surprised but ya know, you hear these horse girls are a bit precious about their ponies so I thought why not. Show her it loves me and then she’ll be weak at the knees. I said sure thing, I’ll meet you at the stables place after work. I turned up expecting some nice cobbled stone yard with a fancy barn or something and end up pulling into some mud filled shit hole. I’m met with a busted metal gate post that’s held together with some orange string stuff and then in the distance see a massive thing coming over through a god damn swamp. I was horrified. There was no way I was pulling into that dump in the range, I’d just had it valeted. 

His disappointment didn’t finish there either with him continuing to describe what he depicts as a horrifying scene, “What I thought was going to be a sexy show of leather and tight jodhpurs was nothing of the sort. Instead I was met with this foul stench of horse shit and a woman wearing what can only be described as a mud covered duvet!? The thing swamped her and she was expecting a kiss!? I tried my best to be optimistic thinking there might be a surprise underneath but no no, she just had tracksuit bottoms - with a rip in the arse I might add - and a baggy hoodie underneath!? I mean, where’s the effort? So heed this lads, those horse girls are not the leather clad vixens you think they are, but stink of horse shit and spend their days in mud covered duvet coats!! Steer well clear.”

The Stable Gate reached out to the female who identified herself on the Reddit thread and asked for her comment. This is what Julia, West Sussex had to say, “What can I say, he couldn’t handle the equestrian winter haha. All these guys hear horse girl and then immediately think of the leather boots and spurs but forget it means stepping out into rolling, wet boggy hills of the countryside.  I like shoving them in at the deep end with the mud, dirt and equidry. It usually sorts the wheat from the chaff haha. His loss… on to the next who let’s hope at least resembles their profile picture. He was not as advertised. He would have been a ‘sold from the field type’! My horse had a better hairline and he’s fully clipped! And my god, so precious about his range rover!? Honey, my outfit was worth more than that dumbstruck.”


If you’ve been affected by any of the topics in this post, feel free to write into The Fair Weather Rider agony aunt page for unsolicited, unqualified advice via* Because we just don’t get enough unsolicited, unqualified advice on livery yards. 

*The Fair Weather Rider is not a qualified agony aunt, life coach, therapist or psychologist. The Fair Weather Rider is not a replacement for any of the above professionals. The Fair Weather Rider is however a replacement for the nosey cows on livery yards who offer unsolicited and unqualified advice. Should you be missing this and want even more noses in your business, feel free to write in to

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